Fiction L
A Fake Internet Presence,
since 1994

These funny bits were sent to me by CS alum Andrew Wise, BS '83. Enjoy!

--Judy Tolliver

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Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
 
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
 
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
 
Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.
 
My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
 
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
 
C:\DOS   C:\DOS\RUN   RUN\DOS\RUN
 
>>>>>-------- The information went data way -------->

Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
 
Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
 
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
 
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
 
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
 
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
 
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
 
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
 
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
 
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
 
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
 
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
 
E Pluribus Modem
 
C:\> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
 
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
 
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
 
An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.
 
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted:  Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
 
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
 
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
 
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
 
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
 
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
 
Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
 
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
 
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
 
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
 
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
 
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
 
All computers wait at the same speed.
 
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate
errors.
 
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
 
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
 
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
 
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
 
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
 
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
 
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
 
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
 
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
 
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
 
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
 
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
 
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
 
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
 
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
 
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
 
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
 
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
 
Hit any user to continue.
 
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
 
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
 
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
 
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
 
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
 
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
 
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
 
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
 
 
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must
be the process of putting them in.
 
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
 
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with
inanimate objects.
 
Real programmers don't document.  If it was hard to write, it should
be hard to understand."
 
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
 
Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!